Sometimes I would sit and seriously consider how I might best destroy my
life; and sometimes would sing a few of the hymns with which I was
familiar; but I never felt willing or disposed to pray, as I supposed
there was no hope of mercy for me.
One of the first nights I spent in that houseless condition was stormy;
and though I crept under the thickest of the bushes, and had more
protection against the rain than one might have expected, I was almost
entirely wet before morning; and, it may be supposed, passed a more
uncomfortable night than usual. The next day I was happy to find the
weather clear, and was able to dry my garments by taking off one at a
time, and spreading them on the bushes. A night or two after, however, I
was again exposed to a heavy rain, and had the same process afterward to
go through with: but what is remarkable, I took no cold on either
occasion; nor did I suffer any lasting injury from all the exposures I
underwent in that place. The inconveniences I had to encounter, also,
appeared to me of little importance, not being sufficient to draw off my
mind from its own troubles; and I had no intention of seeking a more
comfortable abode, still looking forward only to dying as soon as God
would permit, alone and in that spot.
One day, however, when I had been there about ten days, I was alarmed at
seeing four men approaching me. All of them had guns, as if out on a
shooting excursion.
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