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Various

"Punchinello, Volume 1, No. 07, May 14, 1870"

What
the precise effect will be we don't profess to say; but we confidently
predict some valuable discovery in the science of acoustics.
* * * * *
FORTY-FOUR TO FOURTEEN.
[IN WHICH THE YOUNG MEN OF THE PERIOD ARE TAKEN IN HAND.]
Forty-four is going to talk (with a pen) to Fourteen. I am a female; and
forty-four, as just hinted, is my age. Fourteen is also a female--just
the age I was once. How I recollect that day! I was full of romance and
hope; now I've no romance, little hope, and some wrinkles. It is a fine
thing to be fourteen. I should like to go back there, and make a long
visit. But that can't be. How much I wish it could! If only there were
life-renewers as well as hair-renewers! They called me pretty at
fourteen--said I had pretty ways, (one of them was one hundred and
thirty-five avoirdupois,) and would certainly be a belle. But I proved
too much for that. One hundred and seventy-five cut off all hope. I
sighed, ate nothing, studied poetry, did a good deal of melancholy by
moonlight and otherwise, but nothing came of it. I made myself as
agreeable as possible; but it was the old story--I was too much for
'em--I mean the young men of the period.


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