--I could wish to be
for ever near him.--All that I am is owing to his goodness.--How
wretched must I have been but for his bounty!--What unaccountable
prejudice is this then that strikes me with such horror at his
love!--what maid of birth and fortune equal to his own but would be
proud of his addresses; and shall I, a poor foundling, the creature of
his charity, not receive the honour he does me with the utmost
gratitude!--shall I reject a happiness so far beyond my expectation!
--so infinitely above any merit I can pretend to!--what must he think of
me if I refuse him!--how madly stupid, how blind to my own interest, how
thankless to him must I appear!--how will he despise my folly!--how
hate my ingratitude!
Thus did her reason combat with her prejudice, and she suffered much the
same agonies in endeavouring to love him in the manner he desired, as he
had done to conquer the inclination he had for her, and both alike were
fruitless. Yet was her condition much more to be commiserated: he had
only to debate within himself whether he should yield or not to the
suggestions of his own passion: she to subdue an aversion for what a
thousand reasons concurred to convince her she ought rather to be
ambitious of, and which in refusing she run the risque of being cast
off, and abandoned to beggary and ruin; and what was still more hateful
to her, being hated by that person who, next to her brother, she loved
above the world, tho' in a different way from that which could alone
content him.
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