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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume III. (of X.)"


"Ba-a-a-an!" shouted his father, "B-a-n, Ban, Ban, Ban! Now say Ban!"
"Ban," said Rollo, with a little gasp.
"That's right," his father said, in an encouraging tone; "you will learn
to read one of these years if you give your mind to it. All he needs,
you see, Mary, is a teacher who doesn't lose patience with him the first
time he makes a mistake. Now, Rollo, how do you spell, B-a-n--Ban?"
Rollo started out timidly on c-a--then changed to d-o,--and finally
compromised on h-e-n.
Mr. Holiday made a pass at him with Volume I, but Rollo saw it coming
and got out of the way.
"B-a-n!" his father shouted, "B-a-n, Ban! Ban! Ban! Ban! Ban! Now go on,
if you think you know how to spell that! What comes next? Oh, you're
enough to tire the patience of Job! I've a good mind to make you learn
by the Pollard system, and begin where you leave off! Go ahead, why
don't you? Whatta you waiting for? Read on! What comes next? Why, croft,
of course; anybody ought to know that--c-r-o-f-t, croft, Bancroft! What
does that apostrophe mean? I mean, what does that punctuation mark
between t and s stand for? You don't know? Take that, then! (whack).
What comes after Bancroft? Spell it! Spell it, I tell you, and don't be
all night about it! Can't, eh? Well, read it then; if you can't spell
it, read it.


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