"'I tell you when a family has a what-not in their eye they ain't goin'
to let a little rain keep 'em home from church. If they're all really
too sick to go they'll hire a substitute. And I opine these here stamps
will have a powerful alleviatin' effect on Sunday-sickness.
"'And then,' I went on, waxin' eloquent, and leanin' the pastor against
the wall, so I could put one hand in my coat and gesture with the other
and make it more impressive,--'and then,' I says, 'just think of them
other churches. We won't do a thing to 'em. That Baptist preacher thinks
he's a wizz because he makes six hundred calls a year. You just wait
till the nigger gets to haulin' John Henry here around town and loadin'
him up with rapid-fire conversations. That Baptist gent will look like
thirty cents, that's what he'll look like. He'll think he's Rojessvinsky
and the Japanese fleet's after him. And the Campbellites think they done
it when they got their new pastor, with a voice like a Bull o' Bashan
comin' down hill. Just wait till we load a few of them extra-sized
records with megaphone attachment into our pastor, and gear him up to
two hundred and fifty words a minute, and then where, oh, where is
Mister Campbellite, as the feller says.
"'Besides, brethren, this pastor, havin' no family, won't need his back
fence fixed; in fact, he won't need the parsonage; we can rent it, and
the proceeds will go toward operatin' expenses.
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