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Various

"The Wit and Humor of America, Volume III. (of X.)"




THE TWO AUTOMOBILISTS
BY CAROLYN WELLS

Once on a Time there were Two Young Men, each of whom Bought an
Automobile.
One Young Man, being of a Bold and Audacious nature, said:
"I will make my Machine go so Fast that I will break all Previous
Records."
Accordingly, he did So, and he Flew through the Small Town like a Red
Dragon Pursuing his Prey.
Unheeding all Obstacles in his Mad Career, his Automobile ran into a
Wall of Rock, and was dashed to Pieces. Also, the young Man was killed.
The Other Young Man, being of a Timorous and Careful Disposition,
started off with great Caution and Rode at a Slow Pace, pausing now and
then, Lest he might Run into Something.
The Result was, that Two Automobiles and an Ice Wagon ran into him from
behind, spoiling his Car and Killing the Cautious Young Man.

MORALS:
This Fable teaches Us, The More Haste The Less Speed, and Delays Are
Dangerous.


THE NEW VERSION
BY W.J. LAMPTON

A soldier of the Russians
Lay japanned at Tschrtzvkjskivitch,
There was lack of woman's nursing
And other comforts which
Might add to his last moments
And smooth the final way;--
But a comrade stood beside him
To hear what he might say.
The japanned Russian faltered
As he took that comrade's hand,
And he said: "I never more shall see
My own my native land;
Take a message and a token
To some distant friends of mine,
For I was born at Smnlxzrskgqrxzski,
Fair Smnlxzrskgqrxzski on the Irkztrvzkimnov.


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